When I first started out as a therapist, I found many people were coming to me with depression, anxiety, and other mood related concerns. I’ve always found it really important to hear people’s stories in their words. I’m a good listener. Your story is yours to tell, and I’m here for all of it…I like details. So, being me, I’d start with listening. It didn’t take me long to notice how events in my clients’ pasts influenced them and even contributed to what brought them into my office in the first place. Of course I understood from all my classes in graduate school that trauma impacts mental health, but I don’t think I really knew this until I started really listening to people. Not textbooks, people. I know the research. I’m one of those annoying book smart people who likes statistics. I know people’s environments, as well as their biology, impacts their mental health.
But what I learned as a new clinician and continue to learn today is more powerful than those statistics. I learned from a mother who lost her son to an overdose, you never move on from the pain - somehow you learn to live with it. I learned from the young woman who experienced rape that inability to trust is not a choice - it’s a survival skill. I learned from a middle-aged man that night terrors don’t go away when you’ve experienced sexual abuse decades before. And I learned from the 10 year old girl that being adopted doesn’t erase the devastation of neglect.
You know what else I’ve learned? People’s capacities for handling hard things is immense. The woman who lost her son is a beautiful friend and loving mother to her other children. The young woman has a prospering career and supportive friends. The middle-age man is applying for an upper level management position at his company. The 10 year old girl made honor role at school. I often ask people “how did you do it?” And they usually say, “I don’t know, I just did.” And then I say “You have an amazing capacity to handle hard things. ” And they don’t believe me…because they’ve lost sight of themselves amongst the trauma they’ve experienced. They’re doing all these wonderful things, but the pain is still there. On the outside, they seem okay, but on the inside their hearts ache. Trauma is lonely. My favorite job is helping people believe in themselves again - to identify and own their own resilience.
So…back to the new clinician with people in her office dealing with depression and anxiety and also speaking of past trauma. Like any well-trained therapist, I would begin helping them develop skills to manage their symptoms, while also helping them gain insight into the impact of the trauma. Often this insight was more powerful than the skills they learned. But something was missing. My clients were feeling better…to an extent. You see, they had an understanding of their past, and understanding is always helpful, however, the pain was still there. They still couldn’t talk to certain people or go to certain places without the pain coming flooding back. This bothered me. Insight is great, but insight is not healing. Insight exists in our brain on a rational level. But pain exists on an emotional level. How was I supposed to help people on an emotional level?
I decided to pursue my training in an effort to help people heal emotionally and spiritually as well as intellectually. I got trained in EMDR and deepened my knowledge of how trauma impacts the body and brain. I began incorporating my new skills into my work. Suddenly I started seeing results. Clients described experiences such as, “I knew it wasn’t my fault, but now I believe it,” “that pain I felt - it feels like it’s far away,” “I think I can forgive myself for that,” “I know no matter what happens I will be okay.” I began to see peoples’ brains connect with their hearts. What’s more powerful than that!?
So why do I specialize in trauma? Because it’s the most powerful work. When people make sense of what happened to them on an emotional level, they feel better. They develop confidence. They learn to self-advocate. They set boundaries in their relationships. They take charge of their future. They accept themselves.
I don’t carry a magic wand. I don’t snap my fingers and say EMDR and people are healed. I simply walk along side people as they process what has happened to them, as they make sense of their past in a way that feels right to them, as they tap into their own strength and heal. This is what I do and I love it.
