What do you think of when I say the word trauma? Do you think of the soldier coming back from war who jumps under the dining room table to hide when fireworks go off unexpectedly? Or maybe you think of that one friend of yours who disclosed to you she was sexually abused as a child? Or the other friend who disclosed her partner hit her during an argument?
Are the examples above traumas? Of course - but you know what else can be traumatic?
Losing a loved one
Infidelity
Growing up in an unstable household where you never felt supported
Being an adult child of a caregiver living with alcoholism or having had early exposure to a caregiver with chronic mental illness
Someone calling you fat as a child and you’ve hated your body ever since
A bad break-up
A boss at work who constantly criticizes you
A birth experience you can’t stop re-playing in your brain
Infertility
A car accident
And on and on and on and on
Now, are events like these always traumatic? The short answer is no. The long answer is more complicated. You see, it has to do with how the brain processes an experience. Our brains are smart - they constantly process information for us. This processing allows us to integrate our experiences into our life story in ways that feels okay to us. Sometimes, however, our brain has difficulty processing situations that feel really bad - situations that weren’t really supposed to happen to us. These situations become unprocessed information, or information that can’t be integrated into our story in a way that makes sense to us. When this happens we may become easily anxious, unable to get in the car after an accident, unable to trust after a series of negative relationships, find ourselves crying on your way to work, etc. We may feel disconnected from ourselves and our loved ones.
Ever feel like something happens and you can’t stop looking over your shoulder? Have you ever caught yourself saying “I just haven’t been the same since (enter experience here) happened?” or “I used to be able to handle stress, but now even the smallest things send me over the edge?” It may be that you’ve encountered a trauma in your life.
I like to use the phrase - there are big T traumas and little t traumas. Big T traumas are like the examples I gave in the first paragraph - obvious traumas. Little t traumas are anything that happens that leaves us feeling uneasy, not ourselves, disconnected from others. We may feel overwhelmingly anxious, lash out at others without meaning it, lose all sense of self-confidence and self-esteem, etc. Both big T traumas and little t traumas are 100 percent valid and both require treatment to heal. There is no experience too small, too silly or too dumb.
And remember, everyone’s brain processes differently - this is what makes us all unique. Your Big t trauma might be someone else’s little t trauma, and further may not even be a trauma to someone else. Trauma, whether Big T or little t, occurs on an emotional level. You can’t rationalize your way out of it. Saying “I just need more time,” or “I need to suck it up and think positive,” doesn’t work. Because trauma lives in the emotion center of your brain - it is never logical. Ever feel like something happens and everyone else moves on, but you can’t. That’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with you. Most of the time, you can’t control how events affect you emotionally. What you can control is taking the steps towards healing.
Feel like you might have experienced a big or little t trauma? Not sure if what you’ve been through even qualifies as trauma? You’re in the right place, and you deserve a specialist to help you fully heal and move forward. The good news here? Trauma is treatable. You do not have to continue living while feeling haunted by the past. There are SO MANY people who feel just like you who are able to heal.
