Four Simple Steps to Feel Calm Now
Feel like you’re constantly in a panic? The smallest thing happens and you’re spiraling out of control? Do you say things you don’t mean before you even realize you’re saying them? There are a number of brain-based reasons why you might feel this way. I’ll get more into how the brain functions under panic in a future blog post. For now, use these four simple steps to help you feel calmer now.
Don’t try to figure out why you feel panicked
When emotions are high, you don’t have full access to the part of your brain that allows you to think logically. Trying to figure out why you are anxious and spiraling won’t work (again, rational thinking is inhibited) and will likely make you feel more anxious. There will be plenty of time to process the reasons that led you to feel anxious when you are feeling better.
Shift your breathing down
I know, I know…every therapist in the world tells their clients to breathe. I get it - I sound like a broken record, but hear me out. Breathing is huge in regulating your central nervous system (your brain and your spinal cord). The way you breathe has a direct impact on how relaxed or not relaxed your brain is at any given time. A simple way to control your breathing is simply to shift it down. Follow these steps:
Place one hand on your chest: When you are anxious you will feel your breath starting in your throat and it will feel like you are breathing from there.
Deliberately move your hand from your chest to your stomach: Feel your belly move up and down and practice breathing from your belly. You will feel like you’re sticking your belly out and sucking it in at first - that’s okay. As you do this, slow the rate of your breathing -forcing it only leads to hyper-ventilating (i.e. breathing from your throat). Long slow deep, but not forced, breaths is what we want.
Breathe from your belly for at least a minute.
If you’re reading this now and not feeling panicked, and want to practice, here’s a great way:
Think of a mildly irritating memory (this does not need to be your darkest memory, on a scale of 1 to 10 where 10 is the worst, this should be a 3). As you hold this memory in your mind, put your hand on your chest. If this memory is disturbing, you will notice it feels like you are breathing out of your throat.
Now shift your mind to a positive memory. How does your breathing change? Move your hand from your chest to your tummy. You will notice your breath begins there, rather than your throat.
Next time you feel panicked, put your hand on your chest to bring awareness to your breath. Then bring up this happy memory and move your hand down - your breathing will shift to your tummy and you will begin to relax.
Walk Away - Change your environment
Anyone who has ever felt panicked knows this is SO MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE. I get it. Hopefully you’re breathing from your belly and therefore feeling a little calmer at this point. This third step is so important. Remember what I said in the first step about not trying to figure out why you are anxious. This relates. You need to walk away from whatever environment you are in so you can further calm down and care for yourself. In the middle of an argument? Walk away. Receive an email that leaves you about to throw your computer out the window? Walk away. Someone makes a negative comment towards you? Walk away. When you are feeling calmer, you will be able to access rational thought again and you can return.
Stimulate your senses
Okay so now here you are trying to breathe, walking away and probably still not feeling great. Bear with me. You now need to take it one step further and do something calming for yourself. Hate yourself for freaking out? Feel like you don’t deserve nice things? Table these thoughts for now - remember you will have all the time in the world to process these thoughts and feelings when you are calm. For now, you just need action; you need to do something to help yourself besides breathe. I won’t get into the biology behind this (that’s a topic for a future post), but stimulating the sensory receptors in your brain regulates your nervous system helping you to feel calmer. In simpler words, you need to do something that brings attention to what you are physically experiencing in the world at this point in time. Here are a few examples:
Touch: Notice how the floor feels pushing up against your feet, how the chair feels on your back, feel the sweater on your arms, your hair on your face
Sight: Focus your eyes on one object - the wall hanging, the tree, the chair…whatever. Notice the colors, the textures, the curved lines
Hearing: Do you hear anything? Focus on the sound of your own breathing, the washing machine down stairs, the wind, your child playing
Smell: What do you smell? Focus on it. Smell the morning coffee, the mustiness of the car, the towels in the bathroom you didn’t have time to wash. Don’t smell anything? Don’t worry, move onto another sense
Taste: Gum, lunch, saliva…you get the idea
And of course, don’t hesitate to switch it up! Splash cold water on your face, an ice pack on your neck, smell an orange, put on body lotion, walk outside, squeeze your pillow. It may sound silly, but whatever helps you feel calm is exactly what you should be doing!